Here comes the Sun
by Fanatic Drone N
Summary: A collection of oneshots set in Universe C after the end of Homestuck. Mostly centered on John and Vriska, but some Karkat/Terezi and Dave/Jade too.
1. Here comes the sun

The sky was lovely.

It stretched overhead from horizon to horizon, a vast, celestial bowl that lit the earth with the cool light of countless stars. Stars. Real, honest-to-goodness stars. She hadn't even realized how much she missed them. A few wisps of cloud hung in the new air, and though the moon wasn't out tonight (if this planet even had a moon), the starlight alone was enough to softly illuminate the world around them.

She found herself standing on a small hill, surrounded by a crowd of fellow slack-jawed idiots who couldn't believe what they were seeing. The hill stood alone in a massive plain that seemed as infinite as the sky above. Scattered clumps of trees were swaying softly in the wind, and a river wound its way through the night, swerving around their hill on its path which probably led to some kind of sea. She could dimly perceive a line of mountains on the far horizon, but the light was simply too faint to make anything else out.

It was quiet. Soothingly, blessedly quiet.

She stared at the scene before her for a few seconds longer, before turning her attention to the people she was with. They were all there: All her friends, most of her enemies, and some people she didn't even know were all huddled together on the hill, most of them staring up at the sky with expressions of shock.

She didn't know what has happening. Most of these people were, as far as she knew, dead, and she had no idea why they were all standing here, together, on some random hill on some random world. She wondered if the afterlife was screwing with her again. She didn't remember how she got here: One minute, she and Tavros were in the afterlife, slaying monsters from the outer ring and hoping Lalonde's dumb plan worked, and then she was here, wherever here was, with no idea what was going on.

"Is everyone here?" A voice asked.

Vriska turned with the crowd to the direction the voice came from, and was surprised to see John Egbert floating about four feet off the ground, a few yards from the rest of the group. His voice was hollow and tired, his skin was an unhealthy pale shade, but worst of all were his eyes, which were glowing with an eerie white light. Vriska wanted to know what happened, what was wrong with her friend, but she didn't have any idea where to begin.

Strider voiced her concerns for her. "John? You okay man? What… What happened?"

Egbert appeared not to hear him. He reached up and adjusted his glasses a little, the black frames standing out in sharp contrast to the swirling ethereal light. "Thirty… five. Thirty-five, plus me, thirty-six. We're all here. Everyone's safe. Okay."

John sighed a little, and smiled with relief. Then the light faded, and he unceremoniously fell to the ground.

There was a split second of silence, then Strider, Lalonde, Harley, and someone she recognized as John's father started to shove their way through the crowd and run up to the prone figure. She stood there for a few seconds, her mind still numb, until it finally connected that this was all really happening, and that her friend was really hurt, and she ran up to him too.

"Easy, bro," Strider said, helping the Heir of Breath to his feet. "Easy. I got you."

John groaned, and slowly stood up, wobbling unsteadily on his feet. He hooked an arm around Strider's neck, and leaned on his friend for support. "That…" He said, adjusting his glasses again, "That was not pleasant."

"Are you okay, Egbert?" She heard Karkat ask. Vriska turned to see that Karkat and Terezi had both joined their smaller crowd, and were looking at John with concern.

"Yes, Karkat." John said, a sarcastic tone creeping into his weak voice, "Yes, I'm perfectly fine. I'm just doing all this to be dramatic. You know me, always the showman."

"Okay, okay, I get it." Karkat said, trying to sound annoyed, but obviously relieved that John was well enough to be sarcastic. "You don't have to bite my head off."

John sighed a little, "Sorry Karkat, it's not you. I just… Oh, god, what a headache."

Lalonde smiled faintly. "You're lucky you got off this easy, John. I thought it'd be a lot worse afterwards."

"Thanks Rose, that makes me feel a million times better."

Lalonde smiled a little more, and looked up at the sky. "I take it that it worked then?"

"Yeah." John said, massaging his right temple with his free hand, "I think it did."

"And you had the presence of mind to reincarnate everyone? I'm impressed, Egbert."

"Thank you, Rose."

It was then that Vriska finally managed to get any words out, and she asked the first question on everyone's minds. "John, what worked? What just happened? Where are we?"

Egbert sighed. "I'm sorry, I really don't have a big explanation in me. Rose?"

Lalonde nodded a little, and then turned to the rest of the group. "Excuse me, everyone! If I could have your attention for a few seconds, I think I can tell you what's going on."

The crowd, which had been murmuring among themselves, asking people they knew what was going on and shooting funny looks at people they didn't, quieted down immediately and turned to focus on Rose. Most of them knew Lalonde by now, and they all regarded her as a figure of authority.

"Right. So, we are currently standing in universe C right now. For those of you unfamiliar with our universe-naming conventions, the trolls are from universe A, and the humans are from universe B. This one is empty. I'm going to explain how this whole thing happened and how we got here, and I'm going to start from the beginning. I'm sorry if you already know this, but we really all need to be on the same page here. A long time ago, universe A tried to 'reproduce' itself using Skaia, a process I'm sure you're all familiar with. The A1 group was unsuccessful in its attempt, however, and they got Skaia to perform a reset of their universe to give it another chance. The A2 group was successful, and they created universe B, but they were unable to enter universe B because of some unfortunate events that occurred in the B1 session. The human race developed in B, and in time they were chosen to reproduce their universe as well. B1 failed, and we asked Skaia for a B2. B2 would have failed as well, but all four teams were able to come together to use the B2 Incipisphere to make this universe you see before you, which we might as well call C. Most of you were dead by the time John here made C-In fact, _all_ of us died before he was able to do it, and I believe John may have technically died himself towards the end, so I don't know exactly what happened. I'm sure it was wonderfully exciting, and when John is feeling better maybe he'll tell you about it.

"John and I established a plan together at the end, which entailed him imbuing his soul with the creative energies of Skaia, which would result in him gaining the power necessary to slay pan-dimensional foil character Lord English, and, apparently, make an entire universe at the same time. I lived long enough to see this happen, at which point the energy flux killed me, so, again, if you want to hear how that went down, ask Egbert when he's feeling better.

"After his victory, John here used his super-special-ultra-über-prefix-powers to grab ahold of all of our souls, make new bodies for us, and plop us all down in C, which was very nice of him. The experience probably destroyed his own body as well, along with utterly exhausting his every mental facility, so we should all thank our lucky starts that he's that good of an ectobiologist.

"Looking you over, I'd say that the entire A1, A2, B1, and B2 teams are here, along with some extra people-"

"Rose's mom, my dad, Dave's bro from B1, and Jane's dad from B2," Egbert cut in, "I'm sorry if there was anyone I forgot, but I was kind of in a hurry and those were the only people I could find."

"And we were already lucky to have every _player_ come out alive. No time duplicates made it, and I think they were all double killed anyways, which wraps things up rather neatly. A little too neatly for my taste." Rose sighed a little. "I suppose this might be how Sburb is supposed to work, with all the duplicates dead-dead and basically not existing at all, and all the alpha-timeline players ending up alive and well. It's a little too fair for what we expect from Skaia, but we all seem to be okay. So, for now, reunite with your loved ones, calm down, and let's all get on with our lives."

She turned to Egbert. "Did I miss anything?"

John shook his head weakly, and Rose turned back to the crowd. "Okay, that's everything. I suggest we all take a day off, go look around for a bit, and come back tomorrow to work out what we're going to do."

The crowd slowly began to disperse, breaking into a few small groups of friends, talking amongst themselves about what happened. They were still in a state of emotional shock, but slowly the mood of the crowd turned to relief and exhilaration.

The group of people who personally knew John stayed put on the hill, joined shortly by some other guardians reuniting with their children/bros. Greetings were exchanged, hugs were given, and the whole scene of parental/filial affection was thoroughly awkward for the trolls to watch.

"I just… I don't get it." Karkat quietly whispered to Terezi and Vriska, "Human families are so strange. I guess it's in their genetics or something, but it's just so _weird_."

"I think it's sweet, Karkat. It's quaint." Terezi responded, before leaning in to talk to John. "Congratulations on the new universe, by the way. It smells great."

"Thanks, Terezi. It was nothing." John said, as everyone in the little group started to add their compliments to the pile.

"What are we gonna call it?" Jade asked suddenly.

There was a beat of silence. "What are we going to call what?" John asked.

"This planet. Our new home in universe C. We need a name for it."

"Oh, I guess I hadn't thought of that." John said, slowly starting to shift his weight off of Strider. "I don't know… We need something cool… How about planet Psychlo?"

"NO!" Karkat yelled, a look of pure irritation on his face, "Jegus Christ, Egbert we are not naming this place after one of your crappy movies!"

"But _Battlefield Earth _was awesome!" John complained, "And we already have a name for the people who live there!"

"That's just 'Psychlo' too: It's like some two-cycle-old's fanfiction! I'm not living on a planet from one of your crappy movies!"

"How do you even know about one of Egbert's crappy movies?" Dave asked, arching an eyebrow, "How long were you stalking him for?"

"I was a guy with a computer and the rest of his life to kill: I had the time and motivation to profile every part of this idiot's life so I could systematically burn him until he wept, and his movies were a big, _big_ part of that. We aren't calling this 'Psychlo', or 'Waterworld', or wherever the hell that Mac thing was from-"

"Well, we obviously weren't going to call it 'Waterworld'," John said, rolling his eyes, "This planet is mostly _land_. Geez, Karkat."

"Yeah, Karkat," Dave said, "Get with the program. 'Waterworld'? Seriously?"

"I give up!" Karkat said, flinging his arms into the air in a gesture of disgust, "Name it whatever the hell you want, I don't care anymore. I'm going to see what Gamzee is doing."

Karkat stormed on in a huff, and Terezi barely managed to suppress a laugh. "How about N'Chlip?" She offered, "That sounds cool."

"NO!" Karkat screamed back at her, whirling around with an even more annoyed look on his face. Terezi and Vriska started laughing: The movie N'Chlip was from was even worse.

"Seriously, though, we need to think of something." Terezi said, "Maybe we'll have to think up something random. I can't think of anything that twenty-four trolls and twelve humans would agree on."

"I don't know." Dave said thoughtfully, "I'm digging the pop-culture reference. Totes ironic to the MAX, or something. I haven't been using my lingo for a while."

"Which, I believe, is the only thing all of us are going to agree is a good thing." Rose said with a thin smile.

"Yeah, well… Your mom." Dave finished lamely.

"Strider, we both know you and I have the same mother."

"Yeah, sis, I can see one version of her flirting with Mr. Egbert, and I can see the other getting wasted with Jake. It's called being ironic."

"Serenity." Vriska said suddenly, making a connection with an old sci-fi show her alternate-timeline double-deceased boyfriend had liked.

There was a beat of silence. Rose smiled broadly. "Yes." She said, nodding with approval. "That's _good_."

"What's good?" Terezi asked.

"It's the name of this spaceship from an old TV show I liked." John said, "I don't know about a name for a planet, though."

"No, that actually works on a lot of levels." Dave said, tilting his head slightly as he considered it. "I mean, naming our new home after something from a sci-fi show is ironic enough, but that was a pretty obscure show on top of that. Plus, within the context of the show itself, the name was chosen ironically. There's at least three or four levels of irony there."

"I wasn't thinking ironically," Vriska said with a shrug, "I just threw a name out there that seemed right. I don't really know why."

"No," Rose said, "That is seriously a great name; I mean, we'd all have probably chosen something grand or heroic-sounding, or New Earth or New Alternia, but do we _want_ something grand and heroic? Do any of us _want_ any more glory or heroism in our lives? We've had more than enough of that for the past few years, and I'd be a lot happier without any of that. I mean, that's the point of this all being over, isn't it? Peace. Calm. Serenity."

There was a moment of quiet. Terezi adjusted her glasses a little.

"I hadn't really thought of that." She said quietly. "It's over. It's all… over." She looked back up at the group. "Now what do we do?"

"Whatever we want to do." John answered, easing himself onto the ground slowly, "I don't know. For now, I feel really tired, and I want to watch the sun rise." He scooted around a little until his feet were facing down the hill, and he was facing the eastern horizon. "You should all just go and meet up with people. I'm going to be pretty useless for a while."

They heard the tired tone in his voice, and the group dispersed quietly to go meet up with other friends. Vriska was wondering who she was going to hang out with: Terezi looked like she was pretty busy with Karkat, Gamzee, Sollux, and she and Tavros hadn't been very close since he and Hussie tried to duel each other over her.

Heh. That was actually pretty hilarious, in retrospect. Hussie got _owned_. She wondered briefly what happened to him.

"Vriska?" John asked, "Can I ask you a favor?"

She turned back to Egbert, who had turned slightly to face her. "Sure," She said, "What do you need?"

"I think it's about five-thirty right now, and I don't want to deal with jet lag for the next week. If you see me nodding off before night tonight, could you use your sleep-control power to keep me awake?"

"Uh, yeah, I can do that. I can't _keep_ you awake though, so it's basically the same as having someone shake you whenever you fall asleep."

"Oh." John said, "Sorry, I didn't think that through very well. I just thought 'cool psychic powers' and went with it."

"I don't mind keeping you company for a day." Vriska said, sitting down next to him, facing the slightly gray patch of the eastern horizon where the sun would come up. "Besides, why use boring old shaking when you can use supernatural psychic ability?"

"Thanks, Vriska. God, I'm so tired… It's going to be a long day."

"Maybe we can alchemize a DVD player and you can finally watch that Nick Cage movie with me."

"I thought you already did that with alternate-me."

"Yeah, but I can't get enough of Nick Cage." Vriska said, spelling it Nick C8ge in her mind, even though that's not exactly an 'eight' sound. "I must have watched all of alternate-you's… alternate-your… the other John's Nick Cage movies at least a dozen times. He's just so awesome."

"True dat." John said, offering her a little fistbump, which she returned with gusto. "How exactly did things work out between you two, anyways? You never told me."

"I never exactly met Nick-"

"No, I meant you and alternate-me. You said it didn't work out, and I just wanted to know why."

"Nothing too serious. You were a little immature, and you could get annoying with your movies, but you were a sweet guy, and it was cute how naïve you could be about things. Then you told me that you couldn't handle a whole ghost relationship just yet, and we should just back out of it before someone's feelings got hurt, so we did. We were still friends, though. Looking back on it, I suppose that you might have realized you were double-doomed, and didn't want anyone to attached to you before you double-died. That's why Davesprite broke up with Jade, right?"

"Yeah. I still can't get over how dumb 'double-dead' sounds."

"I know, right? Thank god nobody will ever have to use that term again."

"Maybe… I suppose our descendants might have to play Sburb one day, and then they might get involved in time shenanigans."

"Jegus, I hadn't even though of that. It's over for us but the whole mess just keeps going and going. Your nice planet's going to get trashed, Egbert."

"I'm going to write a book for that eventuality: If any kids come riding here on meteors, they are going to grow up knowing what to do when they get ahold of Sburb. Also, we're going to have some kind of planetary defense network to stop the Reckoning from ruining everything."

"I think Terezi was talking about doing that when we entered your universe. That never happened, of course, but she wrote a first draft or something when she was bored, and there's still Rose's GameFAQs thing out on the servers somewhere. It'd be a shame if this kick-ass little place you made got ruined."

"Oh, gosh, Vriska, you're making me blush."

"C'mon Egbert, credit where credit is due. You made a whole universe, and that makes you mildly awesome. Not as awesome as me, of course."

"Of course: How can wielding godly powers that literally evaporated my mortal body compare with the ability to make people fall asleep and wake up. That's why you're the patron, and I your humble apprentice."

"That's the natural order of things. What was it like, anyways? Rose said you got Skaia… inside you? How does that work?"

"Oh, I kinda just ate it."

"No kidding."

"Yeah, and then I became God. I don't know how Rose did it, Vriska, and I don't remember much about it now. It's all getting fuzzy, but I think I'm much better at chess now."

"Not as good as me."

"Only when you're using Magic 8 Balls."

They laughed a little, as the cool breeze blew across the plains. There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes as they looked out at the vast new world, more and more details becoming apparent in the pre-dawn light. Vriska thought she could see the beginnings of a forest far away, and closer to the hill she could see the dark figures of her fellow players wandering around. She looked around randomly for a bit, her mind rambling, before she noticed a peculiar aspect of her new existence.

"What's with the clothes?" She asked.

"Hmm?"

"I'm back in my old clothes. Last time I checked, I was wearing my God-Tier things."

"Last time you were _alive_ you were wearing God-Tier clothes. These are what you wore when you were dead, and I wasn't too focused on your wardrobes as I was setting all this up."

"I guess I'm just tired of them, that's all. Jegus, the things I've done in these. Treasure hunting and ghost battles and getting proposed to." She grinned. "You remember that?"

"How could I forget? It was hilarious."

"Yeah. What happened to Hussie, anyways?"

"I sent him back to Lord English's mansion with Ms. Paint and Spades Slick."

"With _who_?"

"Spades Slick was your version of Jack Noir, and he is, I believe, an item with Ms. Paint, a white Carapacian who is in some weird way the most important player in this whole… mess."

"Mess." Vriska said, smiling again. "That's probably the best way to describe this."

"No, we have a word in English that more accurately captures the subtle nuances of this situation: _Pan-dimensional_-_inverted-Mobius-quadruple-reacharound. _I believe it was coined by Rose in a moment of frustration a few days ago."

"Yeah, that's better. Another term our descendants will have to learn, along with 'double-dead'."

There was another pleasant half a minute as they sat there quietly. Thinking about life, and life after death, and if there was life after death after life after death, and how they sincerely hoped there wasn't. The silence was broken by John sighing a little.

"What?"

"It's just… Karkat trolled me and Dave a while back, telling us to stop talking to you and Terezi because he didn't want a big alien/human smoochfest when we all met up."

Vriska smiled. "Yeah, that sounds like him."

John was silent for another few seconds. He began again with an odd, somewhat shy tone in his voice.

"I don't really know why I'm telling you this, because I'm probably going to regret it tomorrow… maybe it's just the tiredness speaking, or the part where that weird chessboard of creative potential fried my mind, but… during that first year on the ship with Jade, I was kind of… looking forward to that. With… you."

Vriska turned to face John, who was still staring off into the imminent sunrise. She couldn't quite think of anything to say for a while: Old feeling seemed to be bubbling up inside of her, and getting lodged in her throat. Eventually, a small smile crept onto her face.

"You know," She said, turning to face the streak of red breaking over the horizon, "Maybe it's the sheer exhilaration of finally being out of that pan-dimensional-inverted-Mobius-quadruple-reacharound, but I _might_ not have taken the whole breakup with alternate you as well as I might have suggested."

Her hand edged its way along the ground until it met John's, and, in an action that was probably brought forth by his sleep-deprived, stress-addled mind, he slid his over hers.

"Sun's coming up." He said nonchalantly, as the flushed red light of the new star broke over the horizon for the first time.


	2. Perfect gentleman

The sun shone down on Day 37 of Universe C, and, for the thirty-seventh day in a row, Vriska couldn't help but think that it kicked ass.

Unlike the Alternian sun, a vague, negative concept that haunted the sky when trolls stayed indoors, this sun was safe and downright pleasant, a welcome addition to her life. Its light was gentler than both Alternia's, which was dangerous to even _stand_ in, and Earth's, which was still too bright to look at for long. This star managed to illuminate the new world of Serenity (working title), while somehow being perfectly tolerable to look at as long as you wanted. Of course, there weren't a lot of reasons to stare at a warm, yellow light for very long, but it was still pretty cool. She made a mental note to thank John for that when she got to his house today.

Vriska walked along her typical route to Egbert's house, which was, as yet, pathless. The new inhabitants of this world were just starting to settle down into routines, and hadn't had time to even consider things like roads yet. The great and glorious city of Unnamed was little more than a scattered collection of fifty-something house, in the general vicinity of the hill that they had all found themselves on a month ago. At this time of day, people were usually out and about flying around the new planet (or others nearby, is they had a Space player willing to take them), generally getting a feel for the place. Nepeta was amassing a quickly growing collection of pets, for example, while Rose and Kanaya were competing with each other trying to name landforms (Karkat had been called in to officiate, and had awarded yesterday to Kanaya after Rose tried to name a mountain 'Mt. Frigglish'). As for herself, Vriska mostly just flew around in various rocket-propelled objects and lived out some pirate fantasies with Aranea in a nearby body of water: They had huge amounts of grist left over, and Lalonde had been happy to alchemize two suitably piratical ships for them.

Vriska glanced up at the new sun for the umpteenth time, and smiled slightly. She hadn't had much of an idea of what a star looked like, even though intellectually she knew it was just a very bright circle. The Alternian sun wasn't something anyone had ever looked at.

Intentionally.

The smile disappeared as Vriska embarked on another guilt trip. About a week after arriving on what for now would be called 'Serenity', she had suddenly realized that blinding Terezi was an incredibly bitchy thing to do. Terezi had assured her that it was fine, and took the opportunity to apologize for blowing up her Vision Eightfold that one time. In fact, a lot of trolls had started going around awkwardly apologizing to each other, and Kankri, as usual, had a theory. He claimed that the artificially violent and stressful culture of Alternia had kept all A2 trolls in a permanent state of snappish anxiety, which was only exacerbated by the horrific and frustrating conditions within the Incipisphere. It was only now, in this calm world, that they were feeling safe enough to really act like themselves and feel such emotions as guilt. As Karkat put it, everyone was calming the fuck down.

Either way, and she strongly preferred the latter, the sun still kicked ass. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt warm, felt _comfortable._ She had gone from a lifetime on Alternia in her perpetually just-a-little-too-cold home in a dank rock to a hot, tropical Land in the Incipisphere, to memories of places that were generally unpleasantly warm. Props to Egbert, he had hit the nail on the head temperature-wise.

Vriska walked in a slow, ambling manner along the unpaved way to Egbert's, stopping every once in a while to examine some kind of plant he had plopped down here, or see some animal equal parts Alternian and Earthly skittering in the underbrush. Overall, this new world was based much more off of Earth than Alternia, a decision nobody was arguing with. You didn't want horrible monsters around every inhospitable corner, but it was still pretty great to see a dragon or something flying around in the distance.

Vriska walked up the hill, her hands reflexively shoved in the pockets of the jacket she really didn't need. Trolls weren't that fashion-minded, but Vriska had always needed to distinguish herself, and that need only became more pressing now that she had to live with her alternate-ancestor who had the same identifying color and symbol as her. She didn't know half the people here, and if someone called her 'Aranea' one more time she was going to do an acrobatic flip off the-

Oh, who cared? It's not like there was anyone left on the handle anyway.

Vriska walked up to the small white house on the hill where John lived, vaguely similar to the one he grew up in, and walked in the unlocked front door.

"John," She called out, wiping her shoes on the welcome mat in the entryway, "I was bored, so I figured I'd come over early, if that's alri-"

She heard Egbert swear in the living room, followed by a loud crash and a painful-sounding snapping noise. Vriska rushed into the living room, to see Egbert lying on his broken coffee table, clutching his left arm, surrounded by snacks, popcorn, and liter bottles of Faygo. A ladder lay askance on the floor.

"Oh, hey Vriska." He said, smiling awkwardly, quickly reaching to shove something behind his back, "How's it going?"

Vriska stared at this odd picture for a few seconds. Mr. Egbert poked his head in from the kitchen, wearing a flour-coated apron. "John," She said eventually, "What the hell just happened?"

"I, uh, I was on the ladder, and you came in and surprised me. Yeah. So I fell down." John said uncomfortably, like he was keeping something secret. He shifted a little more to better conceal whatever was behind his back.

"What were you doing up there?"

John blushed. "Nothing." He said lamely.

"What's behind your back?"

"Err…"

Vriska started walking around to see what it was, while Egbert scooted around on the floor to keep himself between her and it. "No, no that's fine-ow-you don't need to-ow-just, just try to keep away from-"

Vriska rolled her eyes, and reached down and grabbed John by the collar. She rolled him over a bit (eliciting another 'Ow' from him), and grabbed the object, lifting it up to behold a Windex bottle.

John laughed weakly from the ground, pain and embarrassment leaking into his voice. "Yeah, you weren't supposed to see that. I was trying to get rid of it…"

"John, why were you trying to get rid of this… blue stuff?" She asked, frowning as Egbert's blush deepened.

"I thought… Um… I thought that cleaning supplies were, uh… you know."

Vriska stared at John for a few seconds, until realization hit and she started to blush herself.

"Jegus, Egbert," She said, as her cheeks tinged blue, "That's just buckets."

"Oh… Ha-ha… Yeah, that's pretty funny."

Vriska sighed awkwardly as Mr. Egbert hurried into the room, his apron gone, and she bent down to help him lift John up.

"You okay, John?"

"Um, no." Egbert said frankly, clutching his forearm as he rose to his feet. "No, I'm not. OW-God, definitely not. Yeah, I think that's broken."

Vriska felt an odd combination of irritation and affection for John. Egbert wouldn't bother people with his pain if he could possible help it. He could be pretty stubborn about that. "You know we're going to be teasing you about this for the rest of your life, right?" She said humorously as Egbert slowly steadied himself, looking more embarrassed than anything.

"Yeah, yeah, this is actually starting to hurt a lot." John said, gingerly holding his arm in a better position, "Could you go and get Kanaya? Like, right now?"

"Sure thing, Egbert." Vriska said, rolling her eyes again, but feeling real concern when she saw his eyes watering. "Should I tell them movie night's off?"

"No, no, I think with all the stuff we've got we should be able to patch this up pretty easily. Just-Ow-just try and hurry."

Vriska hurried out the front door with a "Sorry about that!" and started hurrying down the hill. Dammit, the one day she forgot pshooes something dumb like this happened. Vriska shook her head: That's life, she supposed.

When Vriska was about halfway down the hill, and presumably when Egbert thought she was out of earshot, she heard a stream of profanity emanate from the little white house so virulent that it brought her to a full stop for a second. The moment of surprise that Egbert even knew these words was quickly overwhelmed by a kind of touched laughter that John was so concerned about swearing in front of her.

"Perfect gentleman." She said with a grin as she ran to get Kanaya.

* * *

As it turned out, they did not have some weird alchemical shit to fix John's arm. He spent movie night with his arm in a sling, wincing slightly every once in a while, while everyone else gave him crap about the accident.

"Does this movie have a steamy romance scene?" Karkat asked, wedged comfortably in the beanbag situated next to the end of the couch that John was sitting on. "I mean, is there any Windex involved or anything, because I don't think I could handle that."

"Shut up." John said sourly, coming to the unpleasant realization that this would be his life for the next few weeks.

"How about brooms? Do they bust out brooms at some point?"

"Karkat, if you say one more thing, I swear to God I'm going to dump Faygo all over you."

"I sincerely hope that's not a sex thing."

John swiped feebly at Karkat with his good arm, while Terezi laughed from her place on the floor between them. "Don't take it so seriously, John, it was an easy mistake to make. Human cleaning fluid smells _exhilarating_."

John groaned, and told them all to just shut up and watch the movie. Strider, who was sitting between John and Vriska on the couch, asked him what the movie was about.

"It's _Con Air,_ Dave, I've told you a million times It's a big action story about this convicted-"

"Action movie, huh? I'm guessing they pull a lot of awesome stunts."

"Uh... I guess so. You know, planes crashing into things, fight scenes, the works. I'm actually not liking this movie as much as I used-"

"Sounds pretty dangerous. Does anyone ever fall off of a ladder?"

John groaned as Karkat, Terezi, and Jake all started laughing. Jake and Roxy Lalonde (B2) were sitting on the floor together next to the far end of the couch, in front of Rose and Kanaya, who had pulled up ridiculously poofy armchairs for themselves. Rose shot a look of distaste at Dave.

"That really wasn't necessary, Dave."

"Thank you, Rose." John said as Strider rolled his eyes.

"You just stole my opening into a much more hilarious crack about John's arm. I was working on something with 'arm'ageddon, and how am I supposed to do that now?"

"Sorry, sis." Dave said as John growled in frustration. "I should have used my awesome psychic power to anticipate your hilarious arm pun and left it for you. How uncouth of me."

"Hey," Vriska said, stooping to grab a can of Faygo as she did so, "Nobody's getting psychic powers around here except me. That's kind of my thing."

"Yeah, guys, watch out or she'll make you fall asleep." Kanaya cut in.

"I think this movie's about to do that for me."

"Shut up, Strider." Jade said from her place dead center in front row. She herself was developing a little crush on Cage.

"Egbert, I'm not getting this movie." Karkat complained, "I don't understand the human filial relationship, and the movie isn't compelling. Why does this man in a dirty wifebeater want to reunite with the little blonde human so much? I just don't get it."

"Trust me; this movie isn't compelling to humans either."

"Shut _up_, Strider!"

John groaned, and rubbed the side of his head slowly. "You people are giving me a headache. Shut up and watch the man in a dirty wifebeater strive to reunite with the little blonde human in the least compelling way possible."

Karkat noticed his friend was upset, and, like a true friend, took the opportunity to harass him some more. "What's the matter John? Did you realize you missed a spot up on the bookcase?"

"Next week we're doing this at your house."

"Aw, no Egbert," Vriska said, "We all love coming here. Besides, Karkat has even worse taste in movies."

"You know what, that made me feel a hundred percent better."

The rest of the movie passed in this way, with the whole gang going through about forty dollars' worth of John's food while making cracks about John's arm. What are friends for?

By the end of the movie none of them were paying attention, as they were too busy making fun of the ridiculous plot and Cage's acting. But while harsh burns were leveled against the actor on all sides, there were still two who couldn't help watching the reunion of father and child, and maybe quietly hum the ending song.

Years later, John and Vriska would still play that song from time to time, bringing up fond memories of life under the sun that first summer. And if they were feeling _really_ romantic, they might even bust out the Windex.

* * *

I thought about breaking this into two chapters, but I figured both would be too short by themselves. Besides, they're a lot more connected than anything else in here.

Also, PLEASE REVIEW. Please? Come on people, I got two favorites but no reviews? That just crushes my soul as an author... so sad... *sniff*.


	3. Nepetism

It was a slow, warm day in what was coming to be called New Can Town, and, along with the oppressive humidity, love was in the air. It was too hot today to do much of anything besides sit around and talk, and so, if they didn't want to bother with flying up north until it was cooler, the young folk were forced to work on their relationships.

Take, for example, one young couple reclining under a shady, delicious-smelling tree, at that beautiful and moving point in their lives when they worked all the shit out of their messed up romance. Terezi was lying on her back, staring up at the radiant, zesty green canopy that blocked out the unpleasant heat, while Karkat was sitting next to her, half-sitting with his back propped up against the trunk, staring out across the river.

"I'm sorry," He said, addressing their abortive attempt at matespritship years previously. "I think I understand that I screwed things up with all the mixed signals I was sending. I get that I was jerking you around back there, and you have every right to be frustrated. Please bear in mind that I was even more frustrated back then, though: My life was disintegrating in front of my eyes into a whirling shitstorm of clusterfuck, I hadn't slept in days, and I wasn't even sure what kind of relationship I _wanted_ with you."

"You couldn't figure out you own relationship? Geez, Karkat, that is really disappointing." Terezi said, her voice tinged by sarcasm but also affection, "I mean, if there was one thing that attracted me to you in the first place, it was your vast amounts of rom-com knowledge and all the obvious real world romantic applications of your movie-based understanding of love. If you can't even understand your _own_ relationship, well, I guess I'll have to go with Strider after all."

"Dammit, Terezi, don't be so irritating when I'm trying to apologize!" Karkat snapped.

"Alright, alright," She said soothingly, patting him on the head between his nubby little horns, "I was just teasing. All I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't put so much of your self-esteem into understanding romance. Like anyone's got _that_ figured out."

"I know, I know... Gog, I piss myself off so much. See, this right here is the problem: We can't even tease each other like a normal couple before I start slipping into blackrom."

"Eh," Terezi said with a shrug, "What does 'normal' mean here, anyways? There are only two dozen trolls here, Karkat, and I don't think any of them are in what we could classify as a normal relationship."

"Normal for Alternia. I mean, I get that the quadrants weren't set in stone, but this just isn't healthy."

"Alternia wasn't normal, Karkat, and it sure as hell wasn't healthy. It was an artificial culture created by an immortal cue ball with the express intent of creating emotionally volatile, violent assholes. Beforus didn't even have kismesises."

"I need a standard to work with, Terezi. If we don't have some kind of a reference point we are seriously screwed, because I have no idea what the hell is going on here."

"Come on, Karkat, it's not that bad."

"It really is. The only time I've heard our relationship accurately summarized was 'You want her in every quadrant like a desperate fool', and that was from ten-minutes-in-the-future me."

There was a pause. "Do you?"

"I think so, yeah. I mean, obviously I've always been interested in you as a matesprit, but I've also thought of you as a good moirail-maybe even my best moirail, like the actual, official one. You help to calm me down when I'm being an ass, and you can work as a sort of general-purpose auspitice. And I always like you, even when we're fighting-_especially _when we're fighting sometimes-so I guess we're kismesis part of the time too? I just don't know, this is all so messes up."

"I think it's sweet." She said, shifting over a bit and taking his hand, "My little Karkat wants me in every quadrant. And that _is_ a legitimate romantic concept by the way; You just described a monogamous human relationship."

There was another pause as Karkat thought this over. "So… we're married?"

"No, humans do some kind of special ceremony to make it permanent before they call it marriage. I'm what a human would call your girlfriend: The matesprit who's also your best friend, who calms you down when you're out of line, and who you still like even when you fight."

"Gog, that's so _weird_! And they make it _permanent_?" Karkat said, pulling a face, "One person in every quadrant? I guess you have other friends, but your spouse dominates the conciliatory hemisphere and is _exclusive_ in the concupiscent?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"But that's so boring! Who can spend that much time on one person? How can one person represent the entire flushed hemisphere? I get that humans aren't that big on blackrom, but still, where's the drama? Where's the excitement? That has gotta be the least complicated system I have ever…" Karkat's voice trailed off as he realized what he was saying.

His eyes widened in shock. "That is the best thing _ever_."

Terezi laughed. "Giving up on troll romance already?"

"Hell yeah! This… this is incredible! I don't have to worry about filling every quadrant! I don't have to feel awkward around your kismesis! I don't have to worry about any of this emotional BS ever again! Permanent romantic exclusivity is the best thing that could possibly happen to my love life!"

"You're hopeless."

"Marry me, Terezi."

Terezi started laughing again as Karkat spun to face her, grabbing her hands in a show of theatrical passion. "Run away with me, my beloved." He said, lowering his voice until he sounded like a swarthy, seductive protagonist from one of his terrible movies. "And we shall be human mate-spouses together! We can leave all this behind, all this ridiculous quadrant bullshit, and escape to a paradise of simple, straightforward relationships."

Terezi was laughing hysterically now, as Karkat dropped his voice even lower, wiggling his eyebrows seductively. "Terezi, my sweet, I want to spend the rest of my life with you not giving a shit about maintaining a sufficient level of dislike for a person I don't want to be around. I want to take long, moonlit walks with you and not say anything, because it's been a long day and we ran out of things to say to each other. I want to stare into your weird, burnt eyes and know, in the core of my being, that I understand the full extent of our romantic lives. I want to play Scrabble with you and Egbert in the kitchen, and I don't care what anyone thinks about it! Terezi Pyrope, please do me the incomparable honor of making me the most bored man in the world."

Terezi had by now managed to restrain her laughter into giggling, but was still grinning from ear to ear. "You know that we have to live together then, right?"

"Terezi, nothing in the world could keep me apart from your much bigger house and better TV."

She sat up a little, leaning in until their faces were right next to each other. "Alright," She said, sneaking in a kiss, "But you're doing the dishes."

And so the awkward matespritship, after several false starts and much confusion, was off and running with this tender scene beneath the warm canopy off one of Egbert's cottonwood trees, which was rudely interrupted by someone swearing under their breath, the sound of a branch snapping, and Nepeta falling out of the tree a few feet away from them.

There was an awkward ten seconds of silence, as Nepeta stared at the couple, a green blush filling her cheeks, and the couple stared back.

"Nepeta," Karkat said eventually, "What were you doing up there?"

"I… uh… I was checking up on my ships…" She said slowly, frozen in place like a deer caught in headlights.

"And how long, exactly, were you checking up on your ships for?"

"A while," She said, suddenly springing into activity, practically jumping to her feet and brushing herself off, staring firmly at the ground and avoiding further eye contact, "In fact, I'm kind of running behind, I have to check up on Gamzee and Damara, I can't tell if that's platonic or full flushed yet, could go either way, you two have fun, sorry about the tree thing, really embarrassed, you two look adorable by the way, I'm just going to leave now-"

Terezi and Karkat remained stuck in their no-longer-romantic position, watching mutely as Nepeta backed away babbling incoherently, her face burning emerald. Eventually she got out of earshot, and Karkat found he could form a sentence again.

"Gamzee and Damara are a couple?"

"I doubt it."

Karkat sighed. "See, _that_ is exactly what I'm talking about. This is so weird."

"I don't think that's something you can pin on our species, that's more Nepeta just being a creeper. I'm sure she does that to humans too."

Another short silence.

"Let's get something to eat." Karkat said, rising to his feet and helping his human mate-spouse up.

* * *

This is one of my Karkat-Terezi ones. I'm planning on a Dave-Jade next, and then another John-Vriska. Please review!


	4. Nepetism, part two

Nepeta ran back to her house, her face burning with embarrassment, her mind reeling from what she just saw. She had been spending the day as she usually did, stalking her friends and acquaintances, seeing what romantic entanglements they were getting into. When she saw a couple talking under a tree, she couldn't resist eavesdropping, and it was only once she had climbed cat-like to the top that she realized who it was. Her eavesdropping had been interrupted by her dropping from the eaves, in a manner of speaking, and that led to the embarrassing scene with Karkat and Terezi.

_Karkat and Terezi_? They hadn't been potential matesprits for years—as far as she knew. She'd been dead for most of the meteor ride, but last time she checked any hope of that had been ruined by Karkat's stress-induced assholery. She had been certain that pairing was dead in the water.

Heh. Shipping puns.

No! As hilarious as that was, she needed to think. What was she going to do? There was some serious redrom threatening her OTP here! Not that she was mad at either of them: Karkat was, well, Karkat (swoon), and Terezi was her best friend, she couldn't get mad at her. She just needed to break them up somehow, in a way that didn't hurt anyone's feelings. Gog, where was Equius when you needed him? He'd probably have great advice…

Granted, the advice would probably be to not spy on people's special moments from trees.

But that was neither here nor there: She had to find someone for Terezi to break up her and Karkat. Nepeta's mind flew through possibilities, weighing the matespritship potential of everyone she knew—Strider!

She changed direction suddenly, bounding in an unnecessarily catlike manner over the gently rolling landscape to Dave's house. Those two were purrfect for each other: Everyone knew they had been flirting in his Sburb session, and though she didn't have the details on the meteor ride, she was certain there was plenty of romantic potential left untapped.

* * *

"Yes, Jade, we were a couple," Dave said, walking along the stream, "And it's over now. It's been over for _years_."

Jade, who was walking ankle-deep in the stream alongside him, rolled her eyes. "Dave, I'm not jealous or anything. When I asked about you and Terezi, I wanted to hear all the cute little details, not a firm declaration of your everlasting fidelity. If you keep clamming up every time I mention her, I'm going to start wondering if there actually _is_ something going on there."

"No, Jade, that's exactly what I don't want. I'm saying this to make it clear, so we never have to talk about it again: Terezi and I had a brief relationship, we parted on good terms, and it's _over_. This topic is officially closed for all of eternity."

"Aw, Dave, you're taking all the fun out of it," She said, fake-pouting, "How I am supposed to enjoy this relationship if I don't get to be jealous and whiny?"

"I don't know, my rugged good looks."

"Damn you, Strider, you've got me there."

"Besides, how would you feel if I kept bugging you about _your_ past relationships?"

"The only boyfriend I've ever had was an alternate-timeline _you_, Dave, and he's double-dead. You don't have anything to worry about from that end."

"Oh yeah, that's a nice thing to think about, you already going out with me but I don't remember anything, and he had wings and you had dog ears, all of this taking place between the fourth and fifth wall while Egbert was slowly losing it. Now I'm assured we can have a positive, healthy relationship together."

"Oh, shut up, you baby. Besides, you don't really have to worry about me cheating on you in the same way I do."

"And why is that?"

"Because, well, look at you, Mr. Rugged Good Looks. Here I am with a weird nose and glasses, _way_ out of my league. Our Couple Attractiveness Differential is, like, a three."

"Jade, first of all, you know how much I hate video game abstractions. I get that a bunch of programmers live here, but that is not something you should try to quantify. Second," He said, moving closer and with a more serious tone, "Jade, our CAD is not a three. You're beautiful, and as your boyfriend it is my sworn duty to say that whenever you try to bee self-deprecating. Your nose is adorable, and the glasses are cute."

"Weird teeth, messy hair. Definitely a three."

"Gosh, Jade, that description reminds a lot of someone. Have you met _every female troll on this planet_, because it sounds like you have a lot in common. And Terezi has glasses."

"Sexy red shades, more like."

"Jade, if you keep telling me how sexy Terezi is, I'm going to get suspicious."

"Well, fine, we can drop all the alien babes who find you irresistible, but what about the human girls?"

"Are you referring to my mother, my sister, the other version of my mother, or the girl who looks exactly like you?"

"Dammit, okay, Jane. How do I know you won't run away with Jane?"

"Because whenever I look at her I see John's nanna."

"Wow, Dave, you're a real tight-ass when I try to have self-confidence issues. Fine, I guess I can be assured of your everlasting devotion."

"That's right. And you can also be assured, Ms. Harley, that you are a beautiful girl."

"Shut up," She said, blushing slightly, "You know it is my sworn duty to humbly decline all compliments that are offered to me."

"You're a beautiful girl, Jade."

"Shut up, this is getting repetitive."

"You're a beautiful girl, Jade."

"Stop Robin-Williamsing me."

"You are beautiful and funny and you just invented the word Robin-Williamsing."

"I'm not part dog anymore, Dave, you don't need to do that."

"Who's a pretty girl?" Dave said, ruffling Jade's hair, "Who's a pretty girl, Jade?"

"Flarp, Strider, you're messing up my hair!" She said, waving her arms wildly to protect her head, "My self-esteem has been restored! You don't need to keep doing that?"

"I'm sorry, Jade," Dave said, leaving her hair alone, and bringing his arm around her shoulder, "That's just how I show affection."

"I thought that was rapping."

"Well, not exclusively. I'm a man of many talents. Maybe you should consider branching out too."

"Maybe I could start writing crappy raps about our relationship or something."

"Okay, not that."

"And why not?"

"That's kind of my thing, Jade. I'm teasing you when I tell you that you'd embarrass yourself, but only mostly."

"Are you questioning my rapping prowess, Dave?"

"Yes, Jade, I am questioning your rapping prowess."

Jade stopped abrubtly. "Lay down a beat."

"What?"

"Lay down a beat, Strider."

Dave arched an eyebrow, but nevertheless brought his hand up to his mouth and began to beatbox. "Boom-tss-chch-boom-tss-tss-"

Jade listened to the beat for a few seconds, tapping her foot in the stream until she fell into rhythm, and then proceeded to level one of the harshest burns in paradox space.

"You're probably thinking you're a cool bro, Strider,/

But I'm here to tell ya you're not the only writer/

I'm a lyrical wordsmith, extraordinary/

And you're about to realize this shit is getting hairy/

'Cuz you might be cool, and you might be strapping,/

But your brain can't withstand my spontaneous rapping/

You're laying the beats for your own demise/

From your coolbro toes to your freaky red eyes/

And if that burn was a bit too harsh, sorry/

I'ma roll over your ass like a katamari/

I can see you quakin' behind your stupid glasses/

Realizing I'm gonna kick your asses/

Every single Dave, in every timeline/

About to get bitch-slapped by my killer rhymes/

You got the lyrical skills of an inebriated boulder/

And you playin' it cool by giving the cold shoulder/

Making the world just a little bit colder/

Yeah, that's 'Hey Jude' and John Lennon told ya 'No!'/

You won't listen to him, you ain't ever gonna know/

NOW KICK IT SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY!

And that's the part where Paul McCartney comes in. No, but wouldn't that be awesome?"

Dave stared at her, wide-eyed behind his shade. "My god… I don't have a response to that."

Jade giggled.

"Jade, I just got _served_. Where the hell did you learn how to do that?"

"Three years on a boat with a rap-obsessed Davesprite. Beeyotch."

"That is… That's just awesome," Dave said, clapping with approval, "I think I just realized you're the only woman in the world I want raising my children."

"Word, my homeslice."

"You know what, that rap was so good, I'm just going to ignore that."

"Put the foshizzle in the nizzle, dawg."

Things probably would have continued like that for a while, had Nepeta not come baunding over the hills, calling for Dave.

"STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRR! STRIIIIIIIIII- Oh, flarp!" She said, upon seeing Jade, "You two are a _couple_?!"

"And a good morning to you too, Nepeta. I'm doing fine, thanks for asking." Dave said, while Jade rolled her eyes.

Nepeta stared at them wide-eyed in panic for a few moments, trying to think of someone else for Terezi, and coming to the realization that there probably wasn't one. She'd have to find another person to break up Jade and Dave, and then Dave and Terezi would be together, and she could finally have Karkat, and everything would be fine.

Nepeta suddenly turned and ran off, yelling, "SOLLUX! SOOOOLLLLUUUUUUXXXX!"

Jade and Dave watched her go, staring off after her in silence. "Well, that was weird." Jade said.

Dave just shrugged his shoulders. "I've given up trying to understand her. 'Cmon, let's go."

* * *

I loved writing that rap. BEST MENTAL IMAGE EVER!

Please review!


	5. Nepetism, part three

"Do I really have to do this?" John asked, looking with distaste at the impractical, yet utterly badass pirate sword Vriska pulled out of the weapons chest. They were in the forest a few miles out of New Can Town, getting closer to the foothills that eventually rose into the Perelandran Alps (because, seriously, _everywhere_ has an Alps), and they were here to do some fencing practice. Or something. John wasn't sure if fighting with pirate swords-sorry, _cutlasses_-could be called fencing, but he was pretty sure there wasn't an official term for it. Or if there was, nobody cared.

Vriska was wearing her special pirate getup, which looked just a little out of place in an old-growth forest hundreds of miles from water, and he was in a t-shirt and jeans that he didn't mind getting cut up. She had tried to get him a nautical outfit, but you had to draw the line somewhere. She had also brought along her badass weapons chest, which was stocked, of course, with badass weapons. There were morning stars and halberds and longswords and any number of weapons a seventeen-year old could barely lift, let alone fight with. They were impossible le to wield, but they were _so fucking cool _she couldn't help keeping them around. All were devotedly organized and polished to a disconcerting sheen, and pride of place was given to her long, sinister-looking cutlass.

Badassery aside, John didn't want sword fighting lessons from his girlfriend. It was pretty much useless in this world, it looked pretty dangerous to be play-fighting with real swords, and it would take weeks to get any good at it. She'd probably kick his ass repeatedly, and he wasn't even in to that sort of thing (Karkat's sense of humor was starting to rub off on him).

"Yes, John, you do have to do this." Vriska said, rolling all eight pupils as she selected a slightly less awesome but more practical sword for John to use. "I want you to be able to roleplay with Aranea and me."

"Can't I just do something else like get you flowers and compliment you excessively?"

"It couldn't hurt, but no. 'Cmon, giant pirate battles are _awesome_."

"So, what, we get done with years of _actual_ fighting, and now we're going to _pretend_ fight for the rest of our lives?"

Vriska sighed, then stood up, examining the sword. "John, what were you planning on doing for the next six decades?"

"I didn't have anything specific in mind."

"Exactly. We've got enough grist to hold out the siege of Niliv—troll history—and nothing to do with it. Sixty years without a job, or anything that needs doing. Remember being on the ship with Jade? I bet you would have killed to do something like this a year in."

Egbert stared mutely at Vriska, remembering the sixteen consecutive hours he once spent playing Ghosbusters II MMORPG, and took the sword with no further complaint. "Damn, now I'm depressed about the rest of my life. This could get really boring." He said, awkwardly holding the sword and testing its weight.

"It's not that bad. We've got the collected literary, musical, and theatrical masterpieces of two species to entertain us, and with all the totally awesome pirate battles we're going to be doing, it'll be a pretty good time."

"Okay." John said, adjusting his glasses with his free hand as he tried to find a way to hold the sword comfortably. "I think this one might be a little too big for me."

"You'll grow into it." Vriska said, picking up her own weapon and swishing it through the air a few times.

"So, how does this work? Are you going to teach me how I should stand while I hold it, or are we going to do some practice swings or something?"

"We'll, John, if you remember your session of Sburb, you'll remember my slowly-paced, positive-reinforcement oriented teaching style."

John nodded for a second, frowned as the thought _Wait a minute…_ crossed his mind, and then had the presence of mind to leap backwards, narrowly avoiding being beheaded by Vriska's sword.

"Jesus Christ!" He yelled, raising his sword in what he thought was a pretty defensive position. "Vriska, you could have killed me!"

"You're a god tier, baby!" She said, grinning maliciously as she leaned on her sword like a cane. "Besides, you dodged, didn't you? You're already learning!"

"Getting decapitated still _hurts_!" Egbert complained, before jumping back as Vriska swung again with blinding speed. "It'd ruin this shirt!"

"I said bring an old one." She said with a shrug, "Besides, Terezi will _love _it."

"'Cmon, Vriska, I don't want to-" John was cut off by another ridiculously fast swing of the sword, but this time he was able to block it with his own. It struck with a clang, sending admittedly cool sparks flying, and Vriska grinned a pointy, malicious grin.

"Now we're getting somewhere." She said as she brought her sword up in a traditional dueling pose. "_En garde!_"

Screeching wildly, Vriska jumped at John, slicing back and forth as the Heir of Breath ran backwards. Egbert managed to parry most of the blows, but Vriska made sure that she didn't actually connect the times he failed. Not that John could tell of course: Scaring him senseless was part of the lesson.

She continued her fast, vicious, but simple attacks, constraining herself to basic strikes that were easy to block. John was terrified, but adrenaline and better-than-average reflexes (John was an awesome ectobiologist; Everyone's new bodies were put together better than they had been before death) kept him a few steps away from bleeding to death in what he was rapidly coming to realize wasn't a date.

"Now, John, you can't keep backing up forever. You need to attack me sooner or later." She said, carefully steering him away from a tree he was about to stumble into, at the same time maintaining a constant tempo of slashes. Vriska Serket: Spider Queen of Multitasking! How many irons did she have in the fire? _All of them_.

This pleasant moment for her was interrupted by John's stressed brain finally putting a thought together, which was that he should probably run. He suddenly lashed out at her as she swung at him, forcing _her_ to jump backwards and throwing her off balance. Taking this strategic opening for all it was worth, John dropped the sword and started sprinting away like a ninny.

"HEEEEEEELP!" He yelled, "Vriska's trying to kill me again!"

Vriska recovered quickly, rolling her eyes in frustration as she saw Egbert running for his life. Just when things were getting good… It was pretty impressive running, for what it was worth: John sure knew how to abscond, and those gangly teenager legs were putting a lot of distance between them. She wasn't letting him get away that easy, however: She siphoned off a bit of his luck, and Egbert's foot got caught by a root.

Egbert fell, arms flailing, before skidding comically and painfully along the ground. Vriska felt a twinge of sympathy for her fallen boyfriend, but she still took off after him, determined to continue the fight. How else would he learn to survive in a _real_ fake fight?

Unfortunately for her, this had raised the ante a bit too much for Egbert, who picked himself off the ground, adjusted his broken glasses for a second, then spun around and blasted her with a column of spinning air.

Vriska found herself caught up in a small, concentrated blast of hurricane, which picked her up and sent her flying into the branches of the tree behind her.

Oh yeah. He could do the Windy Thing. Probably wasn't such a good idea to freak him out like that.

The two regarded each other, both winded and tensely waiting for the next attack, until John ran for his dropped sword, prompting Vriska to start struggling wildly to get out of the tree. She managed to get all her limbs off the tree limbs, and she gracelessly flopped onto the ground, her badass pirate cape tearing on a branch on the way down.

Vriska elbow-crawled a few feet to her sword, which had been dropped halfway through Egbert's Junior Jetstream fraymotif. She managed to grab the hilt, just in time to look up and see John already standing there, pretty roughed up, holding his sword. The sword in question was pointing at her face, and he looked just a little like a street tough maverick with nothing to lose.

She let go of her sword, and stuck her hands above her head. "You win! You win, John, I'm not going to attack you again."

They stayed like that for a few seconds, the both of them breathing heavily, as Vriska came to the realization that Egbert had actually _beat_ her. Granted, it wasn't a real fight, but he still caught her off guard, and that was impressive.

"Vriska…" John said eventually, lowering the sword, "That… that was pretty awesome…"

They both grinned at each other. Vriska sat up and laughed with shaky relief, as John sat down next to her, dropping the sword and massaging his temples with his hands. "I haven't been that excited for a while. Whoo… Never do that without asking me first. Like, _ever_."

"Yeah, I think that's probably a good idea. That turned into a real fight pretty fast… But look at you, using the Windy Thing!" She said, punching his arm, "That was awesome! I didn't realize you could be that handy in a fight."

"Vriska, you died _years_ before I did. Doesn't that sort of imply that I'm a better fighter?"

"Oh, shut up. I only died because Terezi stabbed me in the back."

"Well, you did deserve it."

"Shut up." She said, punching his arm a little less jokingly this time. "Point is you were awesome today. I'm proud of you, John."

"Oh gosh," He said, being sarcastic to hide how much he actually did value her praise, "You're going to make me blush."

"Go on and blush then. You deserve it."

They both sat there a few minutes, catching their breath as the sky above them reddened. It was late in the day, and it was much cooler than it had been around noon. The sun was setting, and some of the brighter stars were already coming out. Vriska watched them for a while, trying to tease a pattern out of the seemingly random spread of lights.

"Do we have names for the constellations yet?" She asked, lying down to get a better view of the sky. There was a fairly large gap in the canopy over them, which had only been widened when John's gale force winds blew off branches and leaves.

"I don't know. That sounds like something Rose and Kanaya would do. I suppose that since this world was made from our Incipisphere there should be at least four zodiac signs up there." John said, lying down

"The Ghost, the Record, the Weird Squid Thing, and the Dog?"

"I suppose. Then again, this universe wasn't exactly standard. I did most of the work setting things up, and I don't remember if I did anything special with the stars or anything."

"Ah well. Naming things is fun: We have the rest of our lives to make up constellations."

"You know, if you go out there far enough, and look at them from the right angle, there'll be a big 'John heart Vriska' thing."

"Really? You put that in for me? That's sweet, John." She said, taking his hand and smiling.

"I didn't make it on purpose. Statistically speaking, if you look at the right stars from the right angle it'll spell out 'Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory' somewhere. We weren't a couple back when I made this."

"Oh. Well that kind of kills the mood."

"Nice to think about, though."

"Yeah. So, what _do_ you remember about that? Killing Lord English and making this?"

"I remember the fight pretty well. Pretty boring stuff, you know. Giant laser beams, mind battles, smacking him with planets and stuff like that. Eventually I won when he fell down the stairs"

"Stairs?"

John nodded with sad wisdom. "I warned him 'bout those stairs, bro. I told him, man."

"Shut up."

"I don't remember much after that. I know I felt pretty awesome. I mean, I was dead, but that was part of the fun. I was so liberated, beyond all the crap I'd had to deal with. I could do _anything_… And then I woke up on the hill with a huge migraine. Kind of annoying."

"Why'd you do that? I mean, thanks for bringing us back to life and making this universe and all, but why did _you_ come back? I would have stayed out there being god."

"Then lucky for me you weren't the one ending the game. I… I think I knew I wasn't supposed to stay like that. GPI appeared to me in a vision and told me to go back or something. Either way, it's done now, and I don't feel too bad about my life. I've got my friends with me, not to mention the prettiest girl in the universe."

"Thanks, John."

"Oh, and you too, Vriska."

Vriska rolled her eyes. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"Kind of."

"So who _is _the prettiest girl in the universe? It's Feferi isn't it?"

"Oh lord, this is another thing you're going to hold over my head for the rest of my life, isn't it."

"I've seen the way you look at her, Egbert. I've seen that desperate, hungry look in your eyes."

"You know me: I'm a sucker for gills."

"Just leave me, Egbert; Go to Feferi and have beautiful half-human, half-troll, half-fish babies with her."

"And get stabbed to death by Eridan? No thanks."

The both lay there quietly, watching the other stars come out as the sky turned a brilliant, royal purple. "Seriously, you are the prettiest girl here." John said eventually. "I really don't want you reading too much into that. I was just kidding around."

"I know, Egbert. I'm still going to tease you about it, of course."

"Of course."

There was more silence as the brilliant streak of the galaxy came into focus across the sky. The stars were brighter here than they'd been on Earth, a conscious choice of John's that he didn't remember, but one which everyone complimented him for anyways. That blessed, calm silence fell over the world again as the faint breeze died down and the birds roosted for the night.

And was promptly interrupted by Nepeta bursting into the clearing, wild-eyed and breathless, searching desperately for John. She had run all the way out here, looking for him desperately, based off Tavros's comment that he had seen him flying out here earlier. She knew that once she got ahold of him, she could fit him onto the end of the chain, and everything would be-

"Nepeta?" Vriska asked as she sat up, "What are you doing here?"

Nepeta's eyes widened as she saw John and Vriska together. Her natural shipping instincst put two and two together, and she screamed in frustration, her voice echoing off the distant hills.

"GOG DAMMIT, YOU TOO?" She screeched, one eye twitching in frustration. "How can you be a couple? This got sunk on day _one_! _Day one_! When the hell did this happen?!"

"Well, that's a nice way to start the conversation." John said, not bothering to sit up. "Good evening too you too, Nepeta, I'm fine, thanks for asking."

"No! No, no, no, no, no, no, _NO_. You two can't be a couple!"

"Nepeta, since when are you _against_ a pairing?" Vriska asked, getting annoyed. "Egbert and I don't deserve love?"

"It's not like that! I just need John with Feferi to break up her and Tavros, so I can get Tavros with Aradia to break up her and Sollux, so I can get Sollux with Jade to break up her and Dave, so I can get Dave with Terezi to break up her and Karkat! I can't keep adding people to the chain!"

"Oh my god, please tell me you didn't just ship me with Feferi." John said, facepalming with irritation. "Vriska will _never_ shut up about that now."

"And where will all of this leave me?' Vriska said, folding her arms crossly. "Guess I'll just die alone, I suppose."

"No, you idiot! Who do you think I have for Equius!?"

Vriska arched an eyebrow, and John snickered a little on the ground.

"No, not you personally—That's a whole different chain-"

"Who are you pairing Karkat with?" John asked, "You didn't say."

Nepeta stared at them, on the verge of losing it and doing an acrobatic flip off the handle. She briefly considered attempting the rare and highly dangerous 6x MATCHMAKER COUPLESHIFT COMBO, but thought better of it.

"I give up!" She said, throwing her arms in the air as a gesture of defeat, "I give up! I can't do this anymore."

Nepeta turned and stalked angrily out of the clearing. "I hope you two are very happy together. Have fun competing with Nicholas Cage!"

"I'm not _that_ in to him!" Vriska said defensively.

"I wasn't talking to Egbert!" She called back.

John barely suppressed a laugh as Vriska started massaging her temples in irritation. "Hey, come on, don't let it get to you," John said, waving her back over. "I think I can see the Weird Squid Thing."

* * *

Please review!


	6. Starlight

Night had fallen over New Can Town, population thirty-six and Nepeta's cats, and the whole 'gang' was assembled on the Hill for one of the new universe's more exciting astrological events. A year's worth of some serious astronomy had given Rose a suitably complete model of their new solar system to predict that a major meteor shower would be visible that night, and she had promised enough of a show that everyone had showed up. Granted, even if it wasn't a big deal most people would still have shown up, and Gamzee spent most nights staring at the sky in a fairly disconcerting manner anyways, but this was one of the few times that absolutely everyone on Serenity got together.

Egbert's house was empty, with all the lights turned off to preserve the view, and everyone had scattered themselves loosely on the side of the hill that had the clearest view of the Lesser Squiddle constellation, from which the meteors would be approaching. Most of them had brought chairs to avoid getting all wet from the dew, with some standing around and chatting. Gamzee was sitting alone on Egbert's roof, slowly draining a bottle of Faygo.

John had gotten the best spot on the hill by virtue of living there, and all of his friends had clustered around him in a group that, for lack of a better word, was known as the 'People Who Know Egbert'. The PWKE represented a fourth of the people living on Serenity, and John had shot down several of Meenah's hints about installing a monarchy with this hard-to-beat voting bloc. Dave and Jade were sitting next to John, while Rose was smoothing a quilt on the other side. John's father was in the house, baking in the dark, but he had promised to come out before it started. Vriska and Kanaya hadn't shown up yet, and John himself was laughing his ass off at Karkat, who was pinching the bridge of his nose in embarrassment as Terezi wandered aimlessly in the background.

"This is serious, John," Karkat said, mortified about his girlfriend's behavior, "I need some help sorting her out."

"Oh my god, she _bit_ you?" John said, barely suppressing his laughter long enough to get a sentence out.

"Yes, John. As I said before, Terezi bit me, and now she's-"

"How did that happen?"

Karkat sighed. "Let's just say that kissing isn't the wisest way of showing affection in a species with really sharp teeth. Anyways, Terezi bit my lip-which she _says_ was an accident-and then my blood comes out, she reflexively snorts it or whatever, and now all she can see is, and I quote, 'C4NDY C4NDY R3D'."

"Karkat, that's easily the funniest thing that's happened here. I'm getting a picture for the scrapbook."

"Egbert, she's actually blind for the first time ever, and her walking stick has _killed_ people before."

Jade giggled and Rose, while appearing more restrained, had to cough into her hand to avoid chuckling. Dave just smiled, and nodded knowingly. "She got like that once or twice when we were dating. If I got a paper cut or something, she'd make me show her. Is it just on her lip, or did it actually get up her nose?"

This was too much for John to handle, and he doubled over laughing as Karkat cursed under his breath. "She got a lot before I could jerk away. She had a little bloodstache… Oh my Gog, I just used the word 'bloodstache'. My relationship is so fucked up."

"The weird parts are part of the fun." Dave said, before quickly covering with, "Not _that_ fun, though."

"Nice save, Dave." Jade said, rolling her eyes.

"That does not count as an excuse for being suspicious of me and Terezi, Jade, I caught myself."

"Strider, seriously, what do I do?" Karkat said, panic creeping into his voice as he heard Terezi, giggling slightly, stumble into Tavros' chair and knock him over.

"You're probably going to have to stick her head in a bucket—a _tub _of water," Dave said, correcting himself when he saw the look on Karkat's face, "And make her inhale through her nose. She didn't enjoy that very much last time we had to do that."

"Strider, this is the only time you'll ever hear me say it, but thank Gog you dated Terezi before me."

"It's what I'm here for."

Someone tapped Karkat on the shoulder, and he turned to see Feferi, who was leading Terezi by the elbow. "Is this yours?"

"Er, yeah, sorry." Karkat said, taking Terezi by the arm and blushing slightly. "Real sorry about that."

"Hey, Terezi, how are you doing?" Jade asked brightly.

"_Great_!" Terezi said creepily, her voice sounding weirder than usual, "Everything is _red_, so brilliantly, deliciously _red_! Everywhere I look, swirls of shining, shimmering _red_!"

"Well, that sounds pleasant." Kanaya said as she walked up to the group, carrying a folded-up Alternian telescope under one arm. "It looks like we have another Rainbow Drinker on the way."

Terezi giggled again, thrilled at the concept. "Karkat, you'd taste _delicious…_ You'd _all_ be delicious!"

"Oh god, it thirsts for human blood!" Dave said, making a cross with his fingers, "Run, run before it kills us all!"

"Should I be worried that hearing stuff like that doesn't bother me?" Vriska asked as she walked up. She had stayed behind to find her totally awesome pirate spyglass, before remembering she broke it in a particularly vicious pirate fight. "What's wrong with Terezi?"

"She's high on my blood." Karkat said in a deadpan tone, "So I'm going to Egbert's house and sticking her head in the sink until she learns her lesson."

"I sincerely hope that's not a sex thing."

Karkat swore under his breath as Terezi giggled. "You walked right into that one." She said, still giggling weirdly as Karkat led her up the hill to John's house.

"I love living here." Vriska said with a grin, as John set up a folding chair for her. "Nothing beats friendly, intellectual conversation."

"I know, right?" John said, as he set up his own chair, "What were you looking for, anyways?"

Vriska paused for a moment, not wanting to say she was looking for an object she should have known was broken, and settled on, "My evidence folder for you and Feferi."

There was a choking noise from Tavros, and Feferi half-turned to glare back at Vriska. Then she pulled a flirty smile and waved at John, who blushed slightly and quickly looked away, an event Vriska would capitalize on for years to come.

* * *

Further down the hill, sitting apart from everyone else, Eridan was stewing in his own bile, as he tended to do during big parties like this. And small parties. And pretty much all the time, come to think of it. It was sort of his thing.

His bitter pity party of reflecting on his isolation was rudely interrupted by someone talking to him. "Hey."

He turned to see one of the Lalonde humans, he didn't know them well enough to tell them apart, standing there, wearing her pink scarf and giving him a strange look. "Are you the wizard?"

Eridan considered arguing the difference between magic and 'white science', but knew that it was pointless. He nodded curtly, which made her smile for some reason. "I _love_ wizards!"

Ah. She was making fun of him. Eridan scooted a bit away from her, drew up his legs, and began his most righteous sulk. Roxy arched an eyebrow, before taking a step to follow him. "Hey."

Eridan ignored her, which, instead of driving her away, seemed to make her even more curious. "Hey. Hey. Hey, fishy." She said, prodding him with her foot on the last one. "Why are you ignoring me?"

Eridan sighed, as he realized he wasn't going to get rid of her without talking to her. "Who put you up to this?" He asked, "Wwas it Kanaya again? Go tell her I'm sorry for May Day, but she's more than gotten back at me."

Roxy laughed a little. "Nobody put me up to anything, silly. I just like wizards is all."

"Yeah, right." Eridan said, adjusting his glasses a little. "Tell her it was a good idea to send someone I didn't know, but she shouldn't have picked someone who I know is in a relationship."

"What relationship?"

Eridan waved a hand in the general direction of the part of town where Jake English lived. "Advventure-boy. I've seen you two together, being all cutsie and snoggin' and stuff. Is he okay wwith you messing with me like this?"

"Jake and I broke up a month ago: Apparently I wasn't blue enough for him."

"Yeah, I'm real sorry about that." Eridan said, scooting another few inches away, "That still doesn't provve you're serious."

Most girls would have been offended by his behavior, and given up a long time ago, but Roxy took this as a challenge and followed him. "And why should I have to prove I'm serious?"

"Evveryone thinks I'm full of myself." Eridan said, "_Thinks_."

"Well, I don't know about other people, but you don't seem that stuck-up to me." Roxy said, bending down slightly, "Al I see is a cute little guy who doesn't believe anyone could be attracted to him. You've got self-esteem issues, if anyfin."

"Don't patronize me with fish puns." Eridan said, pulling up his scarf to hide his blush. A few seconds later, against his better judgment, he had to ask, "You really think I'm cute?"

"'Course I do! The little British accent thing you got going there is cute, and the scarf is _adorable_."

Eridan had no idea what Britain was, or what an accent from there would sound like, and he liked to think of his scarves as dashing rather than 'adorable'. However, this was after years of rejection and loneliness, and with these redrom attentions from a human raising a faint prospect of hope, he wasn't going to contest anything.

"You… you're…" He stumbled, "You're _serious_?"

Roxy winked at him. "I wanna see your wand."

Roxy winced almost immediately when she realized how awful that line was, but her terrible-innuendo guilt was interrupted by Eridan jumping to his feet, his eyes wide and shining with hope.

"I will be anything you want me to be." He said, so desperately happy he forgot to do the thing with his voice, "I will get you jewelry, I'll change my personality, we can do all the sissy stuff girls like doing, just please, _please_ be serious."

_Hell yeah, _Roxy thought to herself, pleased with her powers of seduction. _You've still got it._

"You mind getting me a drink?" She said, pointing a thumb over her shoulder at the cooler Jane had next to her on her quilt, "Maybe when you get back we can talk about scarves?"

Eridan practically sprinted to the cooler, tripping over Jane's quilt and falling face-first on the ground. The former Crocker heiress turned to see a flushed, anxious looking half-fish troll digging frantically through her cans of Tab. She glanced up at Roxy, who gave her the thumbs up while grinning inanely. She just sighed, and nodded with resignation: It was under two minutes, and she owed Lalonde five bucks.

* * *

Up in John's house, one light was turned on in the kitchen, as Karkat tried to convince Terezi to wash out her nose.

"You're going to have to do this sooner or later." Karkat said, pointing at the sink, which he had filled with water. "Might as well do it now so you don't miss the show."

Terezi giggled. "You know how silly you looked saying that?"

"No."

"Neither do I! All I can see is red! Delicious, _delicious_ red!"

Karkat sighed, and took her arm to pull her over to the sink. "Come on, Terezi, let's get this over with."

"No! Keep your stupid sky, I want to stay like this." She said, pulling away.

"Terezi, you're absolutely helpless like this. I don't want to lead you around until it wears off."

"I am _not_ helpless! I don't need you to lead me around."

"Terezi, you couldn't get out of this room if you didn't have me to help you."

"Could so!"

Karkat stepped away, and folded his arms over his chest. "Prove it."

Terezi paused awkwardly, just now realizing she had no idea how John's kitchen was laid out. She extended her telescoping waking stick, and began to slowly prod her way around the room. She hadn't actually had to use it before, but after some false starts and gaping holes punched in Egbert's cupboards, she began to make progress towards the exit.

Karkat watched her, feeling his irritation at her behavior tonight boil over with no way to release it. A malicious idea popped into his mind, and he grinned darkly.

Terezi had gotten herself a few feet from the door, when suddenly Karkat grabbed her cane and held it out of reach. "Also," He said, playing keep-away with it while she flailed her arms after it, "You don't have me to find the cane for you."

"Karkat, that's cheap!" She whined, flailing in a still-delicious but less fun sea of red, "Give it back!"

This continued for a minute or so, in which time Mr. Egbert walked in, grabbed a bottle of wine from a cupboard, and left without saying a word. Eventually Terezi gave up, and, breaking away from Karkat, stumbled her way over to the counter. She began feeling her way along the edge, bumping into chairs and a table leg in the process, but she eventually found a door.

"Yes, got it! I win, Karkat!"

"Congratulations Terezi, you found your way to Egbert's bathroom. Obviously the whole world's your shell-monster."

"If you don't shut up I'm going to bite you on purpose."

"If you can even find your way over here. How can you stay like that this long? Isn't it annoying?"

Terezi grinned. "A little bit, but," She said, stopping to inhale deeply, then shivering a little with pleasure, "Oh Gog, _totally_ worth it."

Karkat groaned in irritation, and shot a death-glare at Terezi. She just grinned right back, arms folded across her chest in victory. She was a silly, ridiculously happy blind girl who had just made an ass of herself getting lost in a friend's kitchen, and she didn't care. Looking at her, seeing her beaming, in love with life, Karkat found he couldn't stay mad at her.

"Fine." He said, his frown fading as he walked up and handed the walking stick back to her, "I guess it's fine if you want to stay like this. Whatever floats your sea vessel."

Terezi cocked her head. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, it'd be a bad idea to do this all the time, and don't think I'll just rustle up some blood for you whenever you get a craving, but I shouldn't be so angry at you when it does happen. Enjoy the bloodstache while you can."

Terezi smiled. "You know, Dave never got over me wanting to sniff his blood."

"Well, then I'm glad I'm doing better than Dave was."

Terezi laughed lightly, taking Karkat by the arm. "Alright, take me to the sink. I'll clean it off."

"You sure?"

"Just because I like something doesn't mean I have to be a jerk to you about it. Besides, I want to see the show too."

Karkat led her back to the sink, and, after thoroughly wiping her upper lip with a dishrag, Terezi took a big whiff to see if it worked. "Alright, I can see again. I don't think too much actually got up my nose… Still a little red, but there's nothing wrong with that."

Karkat sighed with relief, then escorted his slightly-vision-impaired girlfriend out of the room, making sure to hit the lights on the way out.

* * *

Meanwhile, on a balcony looking out over the Greater New Can Town Metropolitan Area, another couple were enjoying their evening. Mr. Egbert carefully poured the bottle of wine he had retrieved from downstairs, as a small candle flickered between him and Ms. Lalonde. He was careful not to spill, but he needn't have worried: In light of one of their previous dates, Lalonde wore a wine-red dress whenever they had dinner, in which she was looking as stunning as ever.

He set the bottle down, and the couple toasted each other as a cool wind blew out of the open sky, sending her scarf fluttering. Mr. Egbert was a man of few words, and his lovely accomplice even more so, so neither felt the need to comment on the absolute perfection of the moment. When they weren't silently enjoying each other's company over wine, they would discuss the lives of their children, maybe share a laugh over Vantas's ill-conceived shipping chart (which was pressed between the pages of the Egbert family scrapbook), or else muse over the nature of universes and the strange twisting of fate.

Of course, neither of them believed in fate at this point. Being dead gives one wonderful perspective, and, upon their return to the waking world, they had been determined to forge their own path through existence, causality and stable time loops be damned. Of course, this new world didn't present much adversity to overcome, and for that they were thankful. They were left free to pursue whatever goals they had in mind.

Mr. Egbert had a rather special goal in mind tonight, and his hand rested anxiously on the little box hidden in his pocket. Of course, given the circumstances of their lives, a diamond ring wasn't an especially precious thing: They could alchemize the materials fairly easily, and brilliantly cut stones appeared to be a natural occurrence on Serenity. Still, Mr. Egbert was a man who respected tradition, and this was something that needed to be done right. When he couldn't stand the tension any more, he began to pull the box out of his pocket. "Roxy…" He began.

"You gonna motherfucking propose or not?" Came Gamzee's voice from a few yards away on the roof. "You've been messing with that motherfucking box for an hour."

Well. That certainly broached the topic. With a sigh, Mr. Egbert placed the box on the table, opened the box, and shrugged slightly.

"Mr. Egbert," Lalonde said, smiling wryly, "Is that the best proposal I'm getting out of you?"

"I suppose so."

To answer, she leaned across the table, and kissed him on the nose. He smiled, and kissed her back, trying to ignore Gamzee giving him the thumbs-up out of the corner of his eye. That was life, he supposed: Strange, sweet, annoying, and definitely worth it.

The couple decided to stay up on the balcony watching the stars alone, and, eventually, Gamzee took the hint and left himself.

* * *

John and Vriska sat together, watching the first few streaks of light begin to arc through the sky, as Rose yelled at everyone else to shut up. Everyone had gathered together, and even though most of them disliked each other, it was still a great feeling to know that everyone in existence could be united by something.

The lights continued to streak through the sky, gaining in in intensity and number as time wore on. Most of the naysayers who thought this was going to suck were nodding reluctantly, suitably impressed, while the more enthusiastic people were already cheering and clapping.

The night was a rousing success, all of them amazed at how entertaining lights in the sky could be. There was a simple joy, a sense of childlike wonder that couldn't be adequately be explained, that drew them to the hill year after year to see the meteors. As Gamzee would have put it, 'motherfucking miracles, my brother'.

Most of the group stayed up far later then they intended to, simply enjoying themselves too much to go home, and, the next morning, Roxy woke up and found that she had dozed off on the hill.

She sat up slowly, stretching herself cat-like for a second, then rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with a small contented smile on her lips. That had been a fun night: She'd let herself try a little alcohol and had had enough self-control to keep from getting drunk, Janey had given her five bucks, and the meteors had not disappointed. She felt a lot better than she should have for sleeping out all night. Her back was a little sore, but her neck, which should have been killing her, was fine. She turned back to look over the patch of grass she had fallen asleep on, seeing if it looked particularly comfortable, and found that she had been sleeping on a makeshift pillow. Bunched up in a ball, where her head had been resting, was Eridan's scarf.

She stared at the object, picking it up and slowly unfolding it. Eridan had been attentive all night, and he must have left this for her after she fell asleep. It was surprisingly considerate of him.

Roxy felt a twinge of guilt. She and Jane had made a bet over her powers of seduction, and, as Eridan was generally known to be a whiny asshole, he was considered an acceptable mark to lead along. But now, looking at this heartfelt act of consideration, she felt manipulative. Messing with him was mean, and she didn't want to imagine how terrible he'd feel when he found out he was being played.

She stared at the scarf, her twinge of guilt spiraling into a full-blown pang of remorse. He wasn't such a bad guy for Alternia, and he was trying, trying as hard as he could, to be something worthy of being loved. She toyed with the waterproof knitting, thinking about what she had done, before coming to a decision.

Wrapping the scarf around her neck, she set out for Eridan's house. What the hell: He _was_ a wizard, and the scarf was adorable.

* * *

That one took a little longer than i thought it would. I'm still not perfectly happy with it.

Please review!


	7. Campfire

"...and as the cold wind howled around her, she slowly turned around to see the most petrifying sight in her entire life. And with a single, high-pitched scream, she was never heard from again."

There was some scattered clapping from the group as Karkat finished his story, some eye-rolling from more mature audience members, slightly shaky laughter from Tavros and Nepeta, and a look of simple indifference from Gamzee. About ten of them were all clustered around a fire for the troll equivalent to Halloween, which fell in the heat of summer while still managing perfectly well to be unsettling. A cool wind was blowing across the plains, cutting into the cloying warmth of the day as the sun set in the west. A ridiculously campy crescent moon was ascending on the other horizon, and most people were enjoying the holiday. The troll version didn't call for dressing, which was reserved for the human version (there had been much humorous confusion last October, as the trolls found their neighbors banging on the door in weird costumes demanding candy for some reason), but scary stories were integral.

Egbert's stories had been hysterical, even if that wasn't quite the mood he had in mind, and Kanaya had managed to be genuinely scary a couple of times. Karkat's was okay, and Terezi had spent weeks finding a good story to freak everyone out. And she had: The story itself was moderately scary, but the grinning, cackling, bloodthirsty delivery was excellent, and would haunt their dreams for weeks to come in the best way possible.

"Alright, Rose's turn," John said, moving quickly to make sure Gamzee didn't start one, which was pretty much the first priority of the evening.

Rose looked up from the book she was reading with a look of irritation. "Do I have to? Scary stories are stupid."

"C'mon, Rose: I bet you're a great storyteller."

She sighed, book marked her book, and shut it. "Fine. This is a story about a young couple who lived in the American northwest some time ago. It was a dark and stormy night, so they stayed home and watched TV eating potato chips. The next morning, which was bright and sunny and actually a good idea to go outside, they decided to drive into the middle of the woods and make out for some reason. I don't know why the woods are a particularly good place to make out, and they could just have easily gone to a malt shop or something cliched like that and have something to eat, but they decided the woods was the way to go. The guy, who had some stupid name like 'Chad', pulled into an abandoned campsite, where he proceeded to make out with his equally poorly-named girlfriend who was probably something 1950s-ish like 'Betty'. Little did they know, a psychopath had just broken out of one of those mental institutions for the clinically insane they put in the middle of forests in Oregon. Cultural note to the troll audience, a 'psychopath' is someone who goes around killing people, except on earth it's illegal and a sign of mental illness. Anyways, they interrupted local broadcasts to warn all three people who live in the Oregon backwoods next to institutions for clinical psychopaths that someone had escaped, but the couple had their radio on a national music station that didn't interrupt their programming for stupid escapees in sasquatch country, so they were utterly helpless to the horror that would be sneaking up on them in a clean white hospital gown out of a brown and green forest. Seriously, how long would you have to be making out to not notice that? Assuming he shows up at exactly the right time to actually find you-The population density of that kind of Upper Northwest forest is so low they could probably just wait for him to get hungry and bored and come back on his own without killing anyone."

"Love the atmosphere you're setting here." Dave said, cracking open a Tab. "I'm surprised you don't do this more often."

"Thank you, Dave. Anyhow, as they were continuing their passionate and unrealistically lengthy kissing, they heard a snap from behind the car. Instead of checking the rearview mirror like a sensible person, Chad got out of the car and was immediately murdered by the serial killer, who had somehow acquired an axe from somewhere. The girl, not comprehending the squishing noises from behind the car were the sounds of someone being butchered, got out of the car to see what was keeping her precious Chad. She saw the killer knee-deep in blood, and had the presence of mind to jump in the driver seat, screaming, and floor the ignition, which sent the car shooting forward straight into the trees that completely surrounded the campsite. She got twenty feet, then crashed into a tree, and would have been fine if the explosive airbag didn't deploy and immediately break her neck. A second later, the overheating, broken engine block exploded, mercifully removing her idiocy from the gene pool. The murderer wandered around for a week, didn't find anyone, and went back to the facility. He was later completely cured, had two well-adjusted children, and got a job as a regional Arby's manager. _And no one ever saw him again_."

There was a shrill scream of horror from Gamzee which made everyone jump. "Aw man, don't motherfuckin' do that!" He said, holding his head, eyes darting around anxiously, "That's too motherfucking intense!"

There was a beat of silence, in which Dave raised a hand.

"My turn," He said, clicking on a flashlight below his face that might have made him look a little bit scarier if he hadn't been wearing sunglasses. "My story begins on a dark night, on a desolate stretch of coastal highway. A young couple was driving home after a nice dinner out, completely oblivious to what was coming. When they got home, they shared a pleasant evening together, going to sleep unaware their fates had been sealed..."

* * *

"...and that," Dave said brightly, clicking off the flashlight, "Is how human babies are born!"

Around the circle, the trolls were staring at him in open-mouthed horror. Terezi had her arms wrapped protectively over her stomach, Aradia had scooted a good two feet away from Sollux, and Nepeta had been so horrified she was clinging desperately to Gamzee, needing comfort so bad she was willing to accept it from someone who had murdered her. Gamzee himself was just staring with wide-eyed, unblinking shock at the humans, while Sollux was slowly pulling a magnificent face of disgust. Karkat was the only one who could form a sentence, which was "Inside her... It was growing _inside _her... It's like some sick science-fiction crap..._Eugh_..."

John and Jade were fighting down barely-repressed laughter, while Rose was herself trying not to grin at their reactions to Dave's ten-minute explanation of the joys of pregnancy and the miracle of childbirth.

"So, that's about it." Dave said, "Thought I'd just give you a heads-up on what to expect when Egbert here gets a little brother."

"I think I'm going to vomit, then thank the laws of biology that interspecies reproduction is unfeasible." Vriska said, massaging her temples and trying not to think about small humans growing in people's stomach. "Someone else go."

"How about me?" Aradia asked, folding her arms, "I'd like to tell you all a ghost story, only this is about an actual ghost girl, a sad and lonely ghost girl haunting an abandoned ruin, and her jackass of a friend who wouldn't return her game grub even though it had been _months_."

"Goddammit Aradia, I thaid I wath thorry!" Sollux said, throwing up his hands in frustration, "I lotht it, what did you expect me to do?"

"I don't know, maybe treat other people's property with respect?" Aradia said, glaring at him, "Maybe if you'd took the time to clean that room of yours you'd have been able to find my game before the world ended."

"I think we've kind of lost track of what we're doing here." John said, "Can we actually get back to scary stories now?"

"Well, it's hard to tell stories about the haunting mystery of the Other Side when we've all been there and found it pretty boring." Kanaya said. "Given what we've been through, there's not much left that can scare us except weird exo-biology. That, or bringing up traumatic, mentally-scarring events which resulted in our deaths, but even then we know everything turned out just fine, so there's no real threat. I mean, we're all God Tier, we don't have any people to be protecting so we can die a Heroic death, nobody's done anything to warrant a Just death, _we can't die_. This holiday is rather pointless."

"Well, I don't motherfuckin' know about not dying." Gamzee said, "I mean, I could at least motherfuckin' try."

There was a sharp collective inhalation from every troll present, and they all began sliding slowly away from Gamzee, who continued to grin with his unhinged benevolence. "See guys, that's what this day's all about!" Gamzee said, "Gettin' together around a fire, swapping motherfuckin' scary stories that nobody's really scared of, and then, once in a while, getting just a little bit reminded of your mothefuckin' mortality. Yeah."

There was some more silence. "Let's never do this again." Karkat said. Everyone else just nodded.

* * *

So, yeah, took a break for Christmas, and Halloween seemed the next logical step. Please review!


	8. Nepetism 4

"Nepeta... Uh... Nepeta drinks a mothefuckin' thing of Faygo or something."

"Gamzee, that's what you _always_ do."

"Yeah, I know. Meow."

"...Honk."

Gamzee absentmindedly scratched at Nepeta's cat hoodie as she poured them some tea, humming a little tune to himself as he glanced around her house. Getting the hood on had been a chore: Gamzee couldn't remember how he'd gotten it over his horns the first time, and Nepeta had to fuss with it for half an hour to get it on right, but good roleplaying was worth it. For her part, Nepeta couldn't figure why Gamzee wanted to roleplay with her so badly, but she had been pleased enough when he asked. Sure Gamzee was a little strange, and sure he was more of a mindset to stare with vacant joy at things that amused him than to actively use his imagination, but the boy was trying dammit, and anything was an improvement over ruthlessly murdering people. Not that she held that against him.

They were sitting in the troll equivalent to a living room, part of the weird blended architecture that resulted from the trolls picking up human cultural tidbits without really understanding how they worked. Many a pleasant hour in New Can Town had been spent throwing the throw pillows around for no reason, and sweet Jegus beds were so damn _comfortable_. Screw piles of horns, if you wanted a nap you took it on a foot and a half of fluffy, cottony goodness. Nepeta had set up a tea set between two of the haphazardly-strewn throw pillows, and had lent Gamzee one of her hoodies. She herself was wearing a little red clown nose, Gamzee's day-to-day attire lacking anything distinguishing except the weird face paint that creeped her out.

"Gamzee purrs his delightful host some more tea, being careful not to spill some like last time-"

"Yeah, yeah, my bad."

"-and asks her what she intends to do this fine day."

"Aw man, I dunno, I hear Tavros got some new-"

"Third purrson, Gamzee."

"Right. Gamzee thinks he'll just go over to his best buddy Tavros's house and have a mothefuckin' feelings jam on his new pile of shit."

"Yeah, but you're supposed to be _me_ now, Gamzee."

"Okay, I got this, _Nepeta_ thinks she'll head over to her best buddy Tavros's-"

"Me and Tavros aren't best buddies though."

Gamzee arched an eyebrow. "What? Why not?"

"Well it's not like I don't like him, we just aren't very close."

"But I thought me and Tavros were best buddies."

"No, I'm not being you right now now."

"What?"

"I'm being me."

"...But _I'm_ supposed to be_ you_?"

"Yes!"

"...And you're_ Gamzee_, so I'm me! Aw man, now I got it, this is motherfuckin easy."

"No, you're Nepeta!"

"Okay, now I'm just confused again."

Nepeta growled a little in frustration. "Just-just tell yourself, over and over, 'I'm Nepeta', okay?"

"Okay... okay, 'I'm Nepeta, I'm Nepeta, I'm motherfuckin' Nepeta..." Gamzee said, squeezing his eyes shut in concentration.

Nepeta smiled a little to see that Makara was at least taking this seriously, and got up to get more tea. Gamzee cracked an eye open. "Nepeta? Where you going?"

"I'm still Gamzee. I'm getting some more tea."

"Right... You're Gamzee..."

"Yes, and you're Nepeta." She said, not even bothering to use third-person anymore. Poor Gamzee clearly wasn't up to her level of imaginative gameplay. What was making this so hard for him?

She couldn't have known, of course, but Gamzee's mind wasn't in the best of shape. A lifetime of inebriation and stunted thinking, a subconscious design on his part to restrain the terrible rage that every day threatened to burst force from his psyche, had left Gamzee's mind strained and frail, culminating in the explosive release of pent-up existential fury that had killed his friends on the meteor. Now that they were here, in this safe place far away from the dark influences that had been manipulating his life, he was starting to find his way towards a more stable mental equilibrium, but he was still psychologically volatile, and had learned long ago that his friends probably knew better than he what was going on. So, as he sat there, the mantra of _I'm Nepeta, and she's Gamzee_ began to worm its way into his mind, leading to a strained afternoon for everyone involved.

_Heh, this roleplayin' stuff is pretty serious._ Gamzee thought to himself, _I can see why I-why Nepeta loves this so much... wait, no, it _is_ me. That's right, _'I'm Nepeta'_ and all that shit, yeah... wait... was that because_ Nepeta_ said so, or because _I_ said so... to me... who am I again?_

Gamzee opened his eyes, and glanced around the room. _Okay, Nepeta's house... I'm wearing Nepeta's hat... Tea? Gamzee doesn't like tea, he only drinks that shit because Nepeta gives it to him. So I guess that means I'm Nepeta? Phew, crisis averted._

With that, a contented smile broke out on Gamzee's face, his brief moment of identity uncertainty successfully resolved. Of course, there were some glaring logical inconsistencies with this new conclusion of his, but at this point he had learned to just go with it. He stretched out, assuming that the reason he was sitting in the living room like that would just come to him eventually, as things usually did. He got up, feeling pretty good about finding his place in the universe once again, only to see with shock that Gamzee Makara was in his kitchen making some tea. I mean, it had to be Gamzee: He had the clown nose and everything.

Nepeta turned back to see how her guest was doing, only to see the room empty. "Mm? Gamzee?"

* * *

Gamzee, meanwhile, had ducked into the hallway, and was pressed up against the wall, breathing heavily, eyes darting from side to side to try and find something to defend himself with. "Oh Gawd, Gamzee broke into my motherfuckin' house, oh no, oh gawd, he tried to kill me now he's here to finish the job!"

He heard footsteps in the other room, and clasped a hand over his mouth, weird troll hearth equivalent palpating in terror as Nepeta's voice came from around the corner. "Where'd you go? You okay?"

_He's playing some kind of sick motherfuckin' mind game with my head!_ Gamzee thought, edging down the hall and ducking into one of Nepeta's rooms before she rounded the corner. He shut the door behind him as quietly as he could, creeping softly on the floor to avoid making a sound. He was in an empty bedroom Nepeta had included in case a human guest ever wanted to stay the night. This hadn't seemed all that likely, but they had grist to spare, and everyone had kind of gone overboard with their houses, especially Meenah, who built hers underwater.

Heh. Ocean puns.

Gamzee shook himself out of that pleasant pun, and snuck stealthily over to a bedside table where a phone was resting in its... phone-holding thing. _Gotta call the motherfuckin' po-lice_. He thought anxiously, sweating nervously as he heard Nepeta walk past the door, hurriedly dialing Sollux's number.

* * *

Sollux was playing an old troll game grub with Karkat when he heard the phone ringing, and was so surprised to hear the rarely-used device go off that he lost the round to Karkat. Mumbling obscenities as his friend started his annoying-as-fuck victory dance, Sollux got up and picked up the phone. Despite having the just-as-effective Pesterchum and Trollian systems at their disposal, the humans had insisted upon the sentimental value of hearing someone's voice over the phone, and most of the trolls had gotten one as part of the general 'Why not?' attitude they were developing towards life. Personally, Sollux suspected it was a conspiracy on Rose's part so she didn't have to read their typing quirks (to someone as anal-retentive as Lalonde, each typo was like a knife to the soul), and so was more than a little irritated to be thrown off by this call.

"Hey, Nepeta." He grumbled, glancing at the caller I.D. "What'th up?"

"Oh gawd, you gotta help me!" Came Gamzee's hushed, terrified voice.

"Gamthee? What are you doing at Nepeta'th houthe?"

"Officer, you gotta come quick, Gamzee broke into my motherfuckin' house and I think he's going to kill me!"

"Waith, Gamthee, you broke into _your_ houthe, and now you're trying to kill yourthelf? Ith thith, like, thome weird cry for help or thomething?"

"No, gogdammit, you're not motherfuckin' listening, officer, he's here to _finish the job_, and I-"

"Wait, wait, 'offither'? Why doeth everyone keep thaying that?! It'th tho thtupid!"

"Officer, please, you gotta listen-"

Sollux hung up the phone in disgust, grabbing a Tab from the fridge and stalking back to the couch, seething with umbrage.

"'Officer Sollux' thing again?" Karkat said, giving his friend a wide berth as he returned to the couch.

"Yeth." Sollux snapped irritably, cracking open the Tab as he did so. "Thtrider makes one joke about blue and red glatheth at a party, and you never live it down."

"Yeah, that's pretty much how things work around here." Karkat said with a shrug. "At least you're not stuck with Vriska and the whole Feferi thing like Egbert."

"Aradia'th worthe: Me and Fef _actually_ dated, and now every time we're in the same fucking' room Aradia giveth me thith 'A-ha' look."

"Well, at least you can get her back for Equius."

Sollux froze mid-sip, eyes widening behind his glasses. "Gimme a minute," He said, getting up with a grin, "I gotta write that down."

* * *

After Sollux hung up, Gamzee stared at the phone in mute horror. No help was coming, and he was trapped, all alone, with that psychopathic-

"Gamzee?"

Makara jumped about a foot in the air, screaming like a banshee, then jumped over the bed, tangling himself up in the blankets and flopping gracelessly to the floor. "Oh Gawd, no, please Gamzee, just don't hurt me! Take whatever you want, just _leave me alone_!"

Nepeta stared blankly at her guest, who cocooned himself in the blanket as a feeble means of protection, moaning about how he was too young and pretty to die. "I don't think we should roleplay anymore..." She said as he sobbed pitifully.

* * *

Sollux had just gotten back into the game, and was about to take back the lead when, abruptly the phone rang, shattering his concentration.

"GOGFUCKINGDAMMIT!" He screamed, so loudly that Karkat knew better than to celebrate his victory.

Sollux stormed over to the phone, yelling "THITH HAD BETTER BE PRETTY FUCKING IMPORTANT, GAMTHEE!" into the receiver.

"Oh, uh, hi Sollux... Is this a bad time?" Came Nepeta's cowed, quiet voice.

"Oh, fuck, I'm thorry Nepeta, I thought gamthee wath prank-calling me." Sollux said, blushing with embarrassment and a little guilt for blowing up at her.

"Actually, it's about Gamzee- I was calling for Karkitty, actually, I think he might need some help."

"Hey, Vantath." Sollux said, chucking the phone at his friend. "It'th for you."

* * *

"See, see, you're alright, pal, nobody's going to kill you." Karkat said, lightly papping Gamzee's head as he tried to convince him

"So wait, _I'm _actually Gamzee?" He said, eyes darting between his moirail and the embarrassed-looking troll he could have sworn was him five minutes ago.

"_Yes."_

"But... That's Gamzee over there."

"No, that's just Nepeta wearing a stupid clown nose-take the clown nose off, Nepeta-and you're just Gamzee wearing a Nepeta hat. See? She got rid of the nose."

"So I'm..._ I'm_ me... _Ooooookay_, that makes sense." Gamzee said, a relieved grin spreading across his face. "I was getting worried there for a second. I was all up in a motherfuckin existential jumble, man."

"Yeah. That sounds great buddy. Listen, Nepeta, I know you were just having fun, but from now on, I think you wanna dial back the whole 'in-character' nature of your roleplaying."

"Yeah, I don't think we should be doing this anymore. Gamzee has trouble getting into it, except for today, when I guess he got way more into it than he should."

"Well, I'm just happy to help." Karkat said, papping Gamzee once more for good measure before walking out of the room. "That's what I'm here for, curbing Gamzee's psychotic tendencies for everyone. I think I'll just show myself out."

"Aw, Nepeta, I'm sorry I lost it for a second there." Gamzee said, wiggling over to his host with an apologetic look. "I think I took it a bit too motherfuckin' seriously."

"It's alright, Gamzee, no harm done." She said, smiling awkwardly, before an uncomfortable thought occured to her. "It's just... Why did you I was going to kill you?"

"Mmmph?"

"I mean, I suppose you must have thought I had broken in, but if you thought I was _you_, then doesn't that mean that you actually..." She trailed off, eyes widening as she stepped back.

"Aw, man, no!" Gamzee said quickly, a look of genuine pain on his face. "No, it's not like that! look, I... I don't really like roleplaying, okay? I just... I felt so motherfuckin' _bad_ you know, after I killed you guys. I know I wasn't myself back then, and you don't seem too mad about it, but I... I figured you must've been pretty motherfuckin' upset, and I didn't want to bring it up, so I thought the best way to apologize would be your roleplayin' partner. I'm a real sorry motherfucker about what I did, and I thought this might make it up to you."

Nepeta looked into his earnest, ashamed face, and for the first time in a while noticed the three parallel scars her claws had left in his face. She knew that most injuries or scars didn't carry over from one body to the next, and it was only things like Terezi's blindness that carried over. To identify with the guilt of having killed her so strongly that he carried his badge of shame with him wherever he went was all the evidence of his sincerity Nepeta needed, and she began to understand the lengths Gamzee went to to protect his friends from himself.

"So... When you were scared of me... You did that because you think _I'm _scared of you?"

Gamzee nodded slightly, and she smiled again. "Fur the record, Gamzee, I feel purrfectly safe around you. I don't blame you fur what happened."

"Thanks, Nepeta."

"And, all the stuff you said about being too young to die...?"

"Yeah?"

"You really think I'm purretty?"

"Fuck yeah, man, you're like one of the top five prettiest girls around or somethin'."

"You know what, do us both a favor and don't name the other four."

"Yeah, alright."

They shared a pleasant, happy moment together, both of them coming to greater mutual understanding and respect.

"You gonna get out of my blanket anytime soon?"

"Naw," Gamzee said, rolling up tighter in his cocoon, "This motherfucker's motherfuckin' _comfy_."

* * *

Yeah, I ship it. Please review!


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